Black Static

As this will be the last blog entry of 2009, it seems appropriate to ask ourselves what lays in store for the venerable genre of Horror in 2010, and so with my gipsy shawl wrapped firmly round my head and the Tarot deck spread out on the table before me, I shall endeavour to pierce the veil of times to come.

I predict that it will be a significant year for the genre we love, especially the first six months:-

January 2010

In an effort to keep in touch with her army of fans, many of whom grew up with her work, and climb on the horror bandwagon, J. K. Rowling announces that her next book will be titled Harry Potter and the Army of the Living Dead and deal with somewhat more adult themes than before. Her schoolboy hero, now a teenager with a penchant for young women in short skirts, rap music and home brew, will have to face a million strong horde of flesh eating zombies led by his old mentor Dumbledore, whose rotting corpse has been possessed by a malevolent entity from the Great Beyond that has cursed poor Harry with 'acne blight'.

In related news, Rowling has initiated legal proceedings against Horny Varmint Productions of Los Angeles, claiming that their latest release, werewolf flick Hairy Potter and the Cheeky Cheerleaders of Hogwash High, is a thinly disguised parody of her own work and will bring the characters into disrepute.

February 2010

Publication of Black Static #15 coincides with yet another announcement on Amazon that Clive Barker's The Scarlet Gospels is 'available for pre-order'. Only one of these events has actual significance.

 

Finding himself heavily criticised by reviewers for the number of typos in his company's books, Ugly Duckling publisher Dickford Dylan dismissed the claims as a Schrodinger's Cat scenario.

'Maybe the books have typos in them,' said Dylan, 'and maybe they don't. You won't know unless you open the book, and as we sell most of our titles to the collector market, and those guys seldom even remove them from the slipcases, it's all a fuss about something and nothing.'

March 2010

In Brighton, the World Horror Convention is disrupted when Kanye West attempts to storm the stage at the Stoker Award Banquet, in protest at the Superior Achievement in a Novel Award going to a book that hasn't got pictures. The musician is intercepted by minders who gently steer him to an exit, while an official of the HWA explains that he is at the wrong awards ceremony.

April 2010

In what is seen as a protest at the proliferation of overpriced limited editions, Croydon based publishers Bilge Books have picked up on an idea first proposed by Czech author Josef Nesvadba, and are selling short stories in brown paper bags.

When it was pointed out that the stories were written by Edgar Allan Poe, with only the names of the characters changed (e.g. Winston and Wilhelmina Wicker in The Subsidence of the House of Wicker), and that the prices being charged were considerably higher than for most limited editions, Bilge publisher Eddie 'Ripper' Edwards responded, 'It's a high concept, modern art type of thing. By giving customers the opportunity to pay through the nose for old tat we're affording them a chance to show their contempt for consumer culture and limited edition exclusivity.'

Bilge don't have a website and their products can't be found in shops. Instead publisher Edwards stands on street corners in a dirty mac, touting his wares to passing foot traffic. 'It's a drug dealer ambience thing,' he said. 'A way to get the kids' attention and bring them back to reading.'

May 2010

Horror's resurgence as a literary form is rubber stamped by Margaret Atwood when, at the launch of her latest book, she takes a moment to deny that she writes horror.

'Yes,' said the distinguished author, 'my latest novel does involve zombies, vampires and serial killers, and it has a blurb on the back cover from Stephen King, but it's not horror.'

Soon after a rumour swept the blogosphere that, as she left the stage, Atwood was heard to mutter, 'It's science fiction.'

June 2010

In what's being seen as a cost cutting/time saving gambit, Hollywood studio Phantom Films announced that it would be shooting horror film Kathy's Killer Klown back to back with its 2013 remake, with the cast members from each production appearing on set on alternate days.

Scream queen Leticia Loos who takes the part of final girl Jodi Jane in the original film, will play the role of her character's mother in the remake.

'It was a real challenge, getting my head round the different motivations of the two characters,' said Loos. 'I have to pretend to be old.'

Phantom made ripples in the Hollywood pond earlier in the year, when they took the bold step of releasing a horror film that wasn't derived from a Japanese original. It went straight to DVD.

 

Bilge publisher Eddie 'Ripper' Edwards is arrested on charges of drug dealing. Allegedly, an off duty police officer tried to purchase a copy of The Novel of the White Powder from the Croydon based impresario as a gift for his horror loving girlfriend and was presented with a plastic bag filled with crack cocaine.

'It was a gimmick,' said Edwards at his arraignment. 'I had to get the kids interested in reading somehow, and if giving away drugs with the stories was the only way...'

While dubious about his methods, several civil liberties groups have said that Mr Edwards' intentions were good and rallied to his defence, while rival publishers Ugly Duckling have invited writers to submit stories for a limited edition anthology, part of the profits from which will be used to set up a fund to pay Mr Edwards' legal costs.

And that's all folks!

A Happy New Year to all our readers, even those who only visit for news about Interzone and Crimewave.