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PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 5:04 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2007 10:57 pm
Posts: 90
Because we all like lists...

" 25. Bad Boys II (2003) Admittedly, this year's comedy 'Hot Fuzz' has
given us a newfound respect for this follow-up to the 1995 hit ...
but we're still mad at Will Smith, Martin Lawrence and director
Michael Bay for this 147-minute exercise in excess. Yeah, this s***
just got real ... real dumb.

24. Caddyshack II Jackie Mason doing his crotchety comedic shtick on
a golf course does not compensate for the absence of Bill Murray,
Rodney Dangerfield and Ted Knight. And the lone holdover from the
original, Chevy Chase, shows up just long enough to collect his fat
paycheck. We believe the term for this is "bogey."

23. Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace Three words: Jar Jar Binks. Oh,
you need more? Sure, the special effects may be snazzier than those
of the original trio, but 'Menace' remains strangely devoid of heart,
wonder or excitement -- Anakin yelling "Yippee!" notwithstanding.
Also: Jar Jar Binks ... again.

22. Rocky V The first four 'Rocky' flicks paint the Italian Stallion
(Sylvester Stallone) as the quintessential self-made man, a true
American hero. This intended finale (thankfully, it wasn't) left our
everyman champ brain-damaged and penniless, struggling to eke out a
living on the streets of Philadelphia. Talk about a downer.

21. Major League II A lot's changed since the first film: Vaughn
(Charlie Sheen) has lost his edge, Cerrano (Dennis Haysbert) is a
Buddhist, and the antics of this team of misfits are now less funny
than a baseball shot to the groin (but far more painful). We never
thought we'd say this, but it's true: Thank God for Bob Uecker.

20. Jaws 3-D Roy Scheider wisely bailed on the franchise before '3-
D,' leaving a too-young-to-know-better Dennis Quaid to star as a
SeaWorld engineer dodging both an angry shark mama and an endless
string of horror-movie cliches. At least Quaid could use those cheesy
3-D glasses to hide his shame.

19. Scary Movie 2 The Wayans brothers laughed all the way to the bank
after their clever onslaught of horror spoofs that was 'Scary Movie'
grossed $157 million at the box office. They repaid audiences by
cranking out a sequel less than a year later, one that was
exceedingly lame, uninspired and -- worst of all -- starred Chris
Elliot.

18. The Sting II The first film gave us Paul Newman and Robert
Redford as grifters out for revenge. This one stars ... Jackie
Gleason and Mac Davis, as grifters out for revenge. Same difference,
right? There's a sucker born every minute; we pity the suckers who
wanted a sequel, but got this second-rate retread instead.

17. Legally Blonde II Reese Witherspoon's original turn as a ditzy
blonde who takes the law profession by storm is funny, charming and
empowering to women. The sequel, in which she goes looking for her
pet Chihuahua's birth mother (seriously!), is none of those things.
Even the Taco Bell dog no quiero.

16. The Next Karate Kid Also known as 'The One Ralph Macchio Was Too
Good to Make,' this fourth chapter finds Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita)
bringing his D-game to rage-aholic "Julie-san" (a way-pre-Oscar
Hilary Swank, who back then equated looking really earnest with
acting). A whole lot of pain does exist in this dojo.

15. The Battle for the Planet of the Apes OK, so it's hard to emote
when you're wearing a rubber monkey mask, but the fifth and final
installment should really only be watched by acting hopefuls ... as a
guide on how not to act. Factor in an F/X-killing low budget, and
it's easy to see why this simian civil war flick could only ape its
predecessors.

14. The Exorcist II: The Heretic Oh, that silly demon Pazusu ... how
he torments us! His worst trick: following up one of the greatest
horror stories ever told with one of the most godforsaken sequels of
all time. 'The Exorcist' and its incoherent continuation are like day
and night, blessed and evil, Linda Blair and Linda Hunt.

13. Be Cool. A decade-later follow-up to the hip crime flick 'Get
Shorty'? John Travolta and Uma Thurman reuniting for the first time
since 'Pulp Fiction'? New cast members like Vince Vaughn, Andre 3000
and The Rock? It all sounded so promising ... until it started, and
one dreadfully unfunny and/or awkward scene followed the next.

12. Son of the Mask. 'Dumb and Dumberer' not being a strong enough
lesson/warning to step away from the Jim Carrey spin-offs, New Line
Cinema commissioned hip-hop-loving comic Jamie Kennedy to be the new
face of 'The Mask' franchise. The experiment went horribly, horribly
wrong.

11. The Matrix Revolutions. 'The Matrix' took the action movie genre
to a whole new level, combining cutting-edge effects with what -- at
the time -- seemed like an intelligent story. Alas, the final flick
in the trilogy was an overly long and tedious exercise in futility
that proved the Brothers Wachowski were talking out of their butts
all along.

10. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. We appreciate Superman's bid to
rid the world of nuclear weapons, but we'd rather he destroy all
copies of this film. It's rife with awful dialogue, shoddy effects
and a Fabio-esque villain named Nuclear Man -- who happens to be the
DNA "lovechild" of Lex Luthor and Supes. It's Kryptonite to anyone
with taste.

9. Speed 2: Cruise Control. Runaway cruise ship! Doesn't have the
ring to it of "runaway bus," huh? Though Sandra Bullock does her best
with new cohort Jason Patric, there's no saving this dead-in-the-
water sequel. But 'Speed 2' does do something we thought impossible:
It makes Keanu Reeves (who passed) look like a genius.

8. Weekend at Bernie's II. The original -- in which two hapless pals
pretend that their murdered boss (that'd be Bernie) is still alive --
is Oscar material compared to the sequel, in which a Voodoo hex is
placed upon said dead boss, causing him to dance (yes, dance!) his
way to a trunk filled with cash. Please, kill us.

7. Blues Brothers 2000. There's one silver lining to John Belushi's
tragic death: He wasn't around to see this sorry spectacle that takes
on John Goodman and a 10-year-old orphan in an attempt to stay ...
fresh? At least the music (by R&B legends like Aretha Franklin) is
good -- if only those pesky actors didn't get in the way.

6. Jason X. It actually sounds like a spoof: 'Jason in Space!' And it
really should've been, because this (very unnecessary) 10th
installment of the 'Friday the 13th' series -- in which the
cryogenically frozen Jason Voorhees is thawed aboard a spaceship in
the 25th century to get a few more kills -- is absurdly funny.

5. Stayin' Alive. Sylvester Stallone directed this 'Saturday Night
Fever' sequel in which Tony Manero (John Travolta) lands the lead in
the Broadway musical 'Satan's Alley,' requiring him to dance in a
loincloth to music written by Stallone's brother Frank. We could go
on, but at this point even Satan's begging for mercy.

4. Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2. How fitting that the plot for this
imitation horror movie focused on folks trying to "cash in" on the
events of the first film by arranging a 'Blair Witch Hunt' tour. And
though it's never remotely scary, the exhibitionists all get their
due. Can't say the same for the people behind this garbage heap,
though.

3. Dumb and Dumberer. As deliriously funny as the original was, its
dreadful prequel was painful and off-putting. Did they really think
there was comedy to be mined from two unknowns impersonating Jim
Carrey and Jeff Daniels? We've seen 30-second clips on YouTube with
more laughs.

2. Basic Instinct 2. This 2007 Razzie winner for Worst Picture has
little of the original's taut suspense and exists mainly as an homage
to Sharon Stone's still-perky bare breasts, no doubt aided in their
quest to point upwards by her $14 mil paycheck (the film itself made
$6 million). Sharon's breasts: 1; 'Basic Instinct 2': 0.

1. Batman and Robin. What seemed like a no-brainer -- heartthrob
Clooney as Batman -- turned into a movie for people with no brains:
awful dialogue, campy direction, character development skimpier than
Uma Thurman's costume. But if Ahnuld ever runs for president, his Mr.
Freeze line "Let's kick some ice!" would KILL in deep Alaska. "


I'd add several of the recent Disney efforts at exploiting their original classics to a list of this sort. But with so many duds here, which ?

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2008 8:59 pm 
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Location: The Village
I agree with some of those really awful sequels... especially Be Cool, Speed 2, and Bad Boys 2.

But, I think Exorcist 2 was not so bad, and Jason X was quite good fun.

Replace them with with Miss Congeniality 2, Inspector Gadget 2, and let's try and forget the dreadful xXx 2.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 8:31 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:39 pm
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Location: Aldershot, Hampshire
I've managed to avoid most of the ones on that list.

However, I would rate Look Who's Talking Too as one of the worst films released by a major studio in the last twenty years, sequel or otherwise.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 12:32 pm 
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Surely there must be room in any list of appalling sequels for 'Grease 2'? Utterly, shockingly dire!

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 8:31 am 
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I really liked Jason X. It wasn't any sort of masterpiece of Western cinema, but that's not what I rented the DVD for. I also thought Blair Witch 2 was superior to the original, and pretty enjoyable.

Can't believe that Alien 4 (not a terrible film in-and-of itself, but the series had set a very high bar), and any of those horrible Disney sequals aren't on there.

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