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PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2011 11:46 am 
Okay, I was about to toss this story because I made it for black static and for a bit fun. But I decided to release it on the forms for your entertainment.

It’s a strange story that loops on itself and also involves the magazine. Unfortunately it was not accepted for the magazine itself and it would have been a good laugh to see it in there. Also it looses it effect and some of its freaky feel. If you want to experience it, I suggest you print it out and place it between pages ten and eleven. It’s not pretty, but hopefully you’ll catch my drift. It might also give some of you experienced writers some ideas.

I would like to thank "Ernst van Rijn" Who beta-read this story before release.

PDF Download: -

Last edited by Shane Ward on Tue May 17, 2011 1:49 am, edited 3 times in total.

 Post subject: Black Static
PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2011 11:58 am 
Black Static

"I finally see that you understood my message. Thank you...Thank you for releasing me from this world into yours. I’ll be around, now and always. Your dreams are now mine. I’ll even exist in the stories you read, like this one!" Maddox jumped out of the dusty sofa and felt the effects of tiredness dissolve into the background. He only remembered that voice, cold and dark. But even for a man with so much history under his belt, he could not understand what it meant. It echoed through his mind like an aftershock, sending a chill up his spine.

He scanned the busy room and tried to make sense of the moment. He dismissed the whole ordeal as some morbid nightmare, but Maddox was not prone to nightmares. Also, from what he remembered, the dream had no vision, just that black gravel-covered voice.

But as he scanned the busy floor with his eyes, he watched as his colleagues carry on with their daily routines. Desks covered in papers and high-end cases marked on boards added to the already cluttered floor.

Maddox often liked to burn the midnight oil, especially when he was preparing himself for the next day. He held a gray file in his hands and the haunted images of all the murdered people flooded back into his mind. How could someone bomb a school full of children? He asked himself.

But the longer he dwelt on this case, the deeper he got affected by it. It was something he was told time and time again. Not to get involved with your cases. But there was something strange about this one.

The police station was crowded with activity, because of the joint success of capturing one of the most dangerous criminals of all time. This recent incident was just the tip of the iceberg.

Maddox opened the file and saw the suspects name written in red ink.

Robert... Looks normal enough. Even the name doesn’t indicate a deadly individual. Maddox thought.

But the file weighed down Maddox’s hand with its lengthy tale to tell. Page after page was filled with images of murdered people. Recent reports suggested that Robert was initiating some cult harvesting to please the higher Gods. Criminal profiles and more estimation filled the rest of the space. But in the end, all the theories about this person went out the window after he bombed a high school and just stood at the gates, waiting to be caught.

It was a bitter end that left a sour taste in Maddox’s mouth. He wanted an excuse to throw the man off a bridge or hang him. Killing in England was illegal, but he could disguise that moment with a suicide or accident. This man was a monster and if the truth did come out, no one would care. He would have been considered a hero, who rid the world of someone so evil. Even the word evil was too good for him.

With his anger in check, Maddox decided to see if the mug shots fitted the person they had in custody. The most puzzling aspect of the case was they could not obtain any video. All CCTV footage was distorted and witnesses were plagued with memory loss. The murders did happen, but no one knew who did it. It had became one of the most puzzling cases in Scotland Yard.

Maddox got up and then strolled down the central walkway with desks either side. Like the walk of shame, officers stared while others stopped typing on their keyboards. Computers were present on many of the white desks, but these were not LCD screens, or state of the art computer systems. They were archaic machines that did not keep up with the times. The force didn’t have the money to update the systems. Probably the reason for the CCTV footage being so bad in the first place...

Seated near the end of the room in the darkest corner was a woman who carried herself with mystery and shyness. She often fiddled with her long blonde hair and always made herself look unobtrusive. She was the object of his desire and Maddox would often find excuses to chat with the young blonde and often left empty handed. She appeared more scared with male contact than the many cases he’d settled.

But today was not the day for small talk. He had the suspect in custody and now was the time to see if the face fitted the profile.

The door to the holding room was at the end of the corridor and it housed the dangerous individual. Cuffed to the table and completely alone, Maddox knew it was a matter of time before he had to talk to the monster. But first, he needed an update from the room next door.

All along the passageway, holding rooms were linked by a one-way mirror that allowed observers to monitor the interview within their safety net. This was common practice and this case deserved no special interest.

Maddox opened the door to the observation room and noticed two other officers staring through the one-way glass. They seemed troubled and Maddox could not put his finger on what was wrong. Then his arrival startled them out of some trance.

“Maddox! Glad you could make it,” one of the officers, named John Wilson began. “Did you have a nice nap?”

Maddox stared at his partner John and sort off waved the file at him. He had drifted of to sleep while reading the damn thing and felt embarrassed at the remark.

So in order to change the subject, he edged closer to the one-way mirror and felt his excitement build. Today was the day he would finally talk to the monster.

Expecting to see a baldheaded creature with bucket fists and a heavyweight attitude, Maddox could not have felt so disappointed. Seated on the hard chair and handcuffed to the table was a skinny man. He looked more like a mommy’s boy than anything else. The suspect’s baby face made his skin crawl and his milky-skin indicated he had been deprived of light for some time.

“You sure this is the man? He looks like a geek…Fucking amateurs, I guess we have to start from scratch again.” Maddox said; making pre-determined accusations that this was not their man.

“He was there at the school bombing” Replied John. He shoved his hands deep within the pockets of his suit and faced Maddox. “Forensics have matched the chemical used in the explosives to the clothing and spillage on his hands. He has also confessed.”

Maddox made a rude noise with his throat. “This man looks like a mommy’s boy, how could he possib…”

Maddox paused when the milky-skinned man stared right at him through the one-way mirror. His ghostly stare stopped his talking and his blue eyes, partly visible by the single bulb in the room, looked directly into his.

“Are you sure he can’t see us?” Maddox quoted a line in a movie. He knew all too well that the suspect couldn’t see them, but the eerie stare was enough to spook him into saying it.

“He’s been doing that for a twenty minutes. The freak made two men leave the case already.” John patted him on the back. “Get to it Maddox, we’re counting on you to produce results.”

And results was what the force wanted, although shooting this person probably would have saved a lot of paperwork and given true justice to all the families who had suffered throughout this ordeal. Maddox was surprised that no one shot him, but his mommy’s boy persona probably protected him and now he would get to spend the rest of his life in some cozy cell with a wide screen TV and Xbox to boot.
The interview room was the last door on the right and even the gray-blue door looked creepy. He knew the suspect was behind that door and his urge to kill him teetered on the edge of doing it. But sound and visual recording would capture every moment of the tight room and he reconsidered that decision. Brushing off the creases in his suit, he was ready to dive in.

The knot in his stomach slowly swelled into nervousness and his questions soon disappeared from his mind. Maddox felt like a teenager, going on stage for the first time. But the chilling voice from that dream slowly spooked him further. He dismissed the voice as some morbid nightmare and pressed forward.

The light flickered over the door and it wasn’t even a florescent light. The gray metallic light shade that housed a small Edison bulb just hovered, like a small guide in the darkness, flickering, threatening to go out. But as he edged towards the door, he had no choice. It was his job to interview this murderous criminal and all the excuses in the world would not stop him from this moment.

Maddox placed a sweaty hand on the doorknob and instantly felt the chill of the cold metal. He knew the door squeaked when opened--hell they all did--so he made sure to open it as fast as possible, but not too swift to avoid suspicion. Still the door squealed like a pig being chased by a fox, and it announced his arrival far more embarrassingly than if he’d opened it normally.

The strong stuffy smell of stuffed animals and the aurora of ghostly spirits blasted past him like some decompression wave; Maddox felt like someone walked over his grave, but he still progressed forward into the dull lifeless room, closing the squeaking door and holding the suspects file in his other hand.

Seated on the opposite side of the gray table, the suspect was cuffed to its legs. The light over the table continued to cast it glowing beams into the room but it wasn’t enough to light the walls. The mirror reflected everything back into the room like a force, reflecting the evil upon itself. Maddox felt a sense of danger, but he pressed forward and sat down opposite the suspect.

The man didn’t look at Maddox at all. In fact, it was the strange way he looked at the ceiling that caught Maddox off guard. His head was bent right back, further than normal and appeared to float on the edge of his shoulders. Like he’d deliberately dislocated his neck and allowed it to hover there in thin air. The officer felt a shiver crawl up his spine but still bottled his feelings and made ready his files. However, he suddenly remembered the baby-faced man looking at him through the one-way window. What was this asshole up to?

His head moved slightly. It was still attached to his body, but it continued to look at the ceiling.

Maddox placed the brown file on the table, spilling its contents. Detailed reports and pictures cluttered the desk and Maddox took his time to place the gory images in plain view of the suspect, testing for a reaction. But as he placed the final image in a perfect position, the man continued to stare at the gray ceiling with patches of mold and damp tracks. Not even a reaction.

Still, Maddox was not finished. He placed his hands deep within his pockets and pulled out a pen. He continued to scribble on the reports and update the records with description, age and status. Judging from his hands he did not wear a wedding band and assumed that someone this evil would not have a woman anyway.

The suspect still looked into the light that was over him and Maddox continued to scribble on the paper. The contact with the metal table made an irritating scrawl noise that filled the void of silence. Maddox waited for the man to do something, but the more he waited the less he was able to write and the suspects head continued to wobble from side to side.

After he’d finally run out of reports to write, Maddox grew impatient. His initial thought was to smash the fucker’s head in. Yeah, grab that head and bash it into the table! But he knew he couldn’t do such a thing, so he had to catch his attention some other way.

He leaned forward. “Hey. Asshole, look at me.”

The individual continued to stare at the ceiling, wobbling his head.

Maddox got even more impatient. Surely this man was a fool to think he could act so carelessly in light of the evidence?

He asked again, with a firmer tone. “I said look at me.”

The strange individual stopped moving completely. Not even his chest rose and fell. Maddox became spooked.

In all his years of service, he’d seen many people walk through the doors of the station, from addicts to terrorists. But nothing spooked him more than this individual. It was the way he carried himself, it was the way he didn’t care.

Everyone showed some kind of movement with their body. The clenching of the neck muscles when nervous. Fisting with the hands when angry, even that sincere smile that would narrow the eyes, but Robert did nothing. His hands appeared cold. His chest failed to move and his head seemed to have been dislocated.

Unable to comprehend Robert’s movement, Maddox sat, trying to read this person while his heart hammered high in his throat.

Then his head moved.

Maddox straightened his back against the chair and watched the individual maneuver his head into position so he could get a clear view of the images. It seemed his firm voice worked.

When Robert looked at the images, Maddox edged closer, placing both elbows on the table. “These are all the people you killed. Anything to say for yourself?”

“I did not kill these people.” Robert said. His tone was dark and creepy, like a ghostly voice in the back of your mind on a dark and stormy day.

Maddox made a rude noise through his teeth, a sign of disrespect and complete malice. The evidence was compelling and this man was just digging himself a hole. He could smell the scent of success coming his way. This case would propel him high in his career and he already saw the opportunities laid out before him.

Robert continued, making meaningless comments. “Those people freed me from the restraints of literature.”

The man raised his hands and hovered his fingertips over the mismatched documents on the table. It was almost as of he wanted to savior the writing on each page itself

“Agent Maddox.” Whispered Robert. His hard-graveled voice pierced through his thoughts like a hot knife through butter. “Do you like to read?”

“How do you know my name?” Maddox snapped. Even the files spread along the table didn’t contain his name.

The man smiled and leaned back on his chair. Those blue eyes seemed lifeless and the only light in the room flickered, showing his smile. “I know a lot of things. I know about the boundary between life and…the voice. Do you hear my voice Maddox? Do you understand what I am saying?”

Robert looked towards the ceiling, “Do you know what I am talking about? Yeah, of course you do! I’m with you!”

“More riddles… What the hell are you talking about?” Maddox changed his mind. “No, in fact, keep talking this shit. Perhaps they’ll shove you into a mental hospital and stuff you full of drugs for the rest of your life.”

Robert smiled, then looked behind himself and watched his own reflection in the mirror. It was very large and Maddox knew that every criminal knew there would be a horde of officers in the small room that allowed them to see what was going on. But the individual seemed unfazed by such fact. He only looked at his reflection and smiled at his own yellow teeth.

“My body is just the shell. It’s my voice that will be set free. The others know...” Robert looked towards Maddox. “You are the key, the key to my salvation.”

Maddox leaned back; he preferred women and had no interest in men. Roberts’ freakish behavior could only mean that he was gay. Shouldn’t be a problem; he’ll fit in well with prison.

But his revengeful thoughts suddenly disappeared when he heard the word ‘others’. Perhaps there was more than one man. This would extend the case and add more merit to his name.

“Others?” Asked Maddox.

“Yes. The others.” He looked into the air. “They know who they are.”

“I don’t understand?” Maddox asked, finding himself falling into a one-way conversation.

“We’re not alone in this room. In fact, we’re not alone in this city. Maddox, can’t you feel them?”

Spooky. Perhaps he’s talking about the number of people in the observation room behind the mirror. If only he knew how many they were, he would be disappointed. No, Maddox decided to let the man dream and fantasize about the hordes of people staring at him. His fame would be earned in prison.

“What makes you think you can feel them?” Maddox asked, leaning on the table with one elbow.

“The school was only the beginning. I only did that to lure the ‘others’ here.”

There’s that word again, others. Who was he referring to? Perhaps he could get to the heart of the matter. “Tell me, who are the others?”

The man changed the subject. Like he was playing some twisted game. “You never answered my question.”

“Excuse me?”

“The question I asked you. Do you like to read?”

Maddox felt the interview slide out of his control; he needed to put a firm foot on things.

He sat back on the chair, took one of the pictures and made himself appear threatening. “Enough of these questions. Look at these. These are the children you blatantly killed in the explosion. Now you will tell me the names of all the people involved or I’ll make sure your time in prison is a memorable one.”

The man looked at the pictures and seemed unfazed by them. He seemed too engrossed in his own fantasies to be interested in his own predicament or he didn’t care about his own life.

But before he had the chance to continue, someone stormed into the room, “Maddox, come with me now!”

The man, dressed in a black suit that looked expensive, waited outside in the hallway beside the flickering light. Maddox collected the files, made sure all the paperclips were in order and counted for anything out of the ordinary. He’d seen far too many people escape by lack of efficiency and he had a clean record for mistakes and misconduct.

But his patience was wearing thin as he closed the squeaky door behind himself. “What do you want?”

The man, probably from a different department, looked down at Maddox and began. “I’ve been monitoring your interview and I’m unsatisfied with the results.”

Maddox snapped. “I’ve only been in there a few minutes.”

The man looked puzzled. “Minutes? You’ve been in there for two hours. I only came in a second ago and found you sitting next to the suspect with without results. What have you been doing?”

Maddox was shunted out of the way by an officer who entered the interview room. With a loud slam, the door was sealed.

“That’s impossible, I’ve only been in that room for…” Maddox looked at his watch. Then with wide eyes, he stared at the time. Two hours had passed in a matter of two minutes. What the hell happened?
It was at that precise moment, Maddox felt something slither up the back of his neck. He turned around quickly but found nothing there. Just the same old room with desks cluttered with papers--that probably needed many acres of forests to create.--As his eyes glanced back towards his own desk, Maddox caught a glimpse of the blonde woman in the corner, busy typing at her desk, looking innocent as always. She appeared to live in the country and had that feminine side that lured him into bliss.

He often fantasized about peeling off the many layers of her cloths, running his warm hands through her soft blonde hair and allowing her to coil a silky thigh over his hip.

He would allow her tender lips to touch his, then waited for her to lose control.

Quivering with delight, she surrendered to his hot merciless juice that would gush into her mouth. The hot circle of his arms would trap her in a warm inescapable moment brought on by the fire of passion that raged deep beneath his stomach.

With his body on fire he would snatch more kisses before he peeled off her clothes even further, exposing her firm round breasts and tight slim body. He world grin against her throat and his warm breath would make her shiver with delight and he continued to imagine himself rocking his naked body against hers, imagining the moment of ecstasy when he finally entered her at that heart stopping moment. When she began to rotate her pelvis against the movements of his groin she would release a quivering sigh…

“Maddox, you’re needed in the interrogation room.”

Startled by the sudden interruption, Maddox acknowledged the officer and stared back towards the location the blonde woman was sitting. But only an empty seat indicated that she had vanished while he was fantasizing about her.

Her. She. Lovely woman. He wanted to know her name, but in the few days she’d been in the office, Maddox was unable to find her. He preferred not to snoop through her personal records or find out her name by some malicious way. But every time he gained the courage to talk to her, she would shy up and escape.

The fantasy dissipated even more as he got up from his hardback chair. With a request to see the suspect, Maddox made his way.

The door was still at the end of the hallway. Maddox didn’t know why he thought that. The door cannot move, and the light still flickered with his presence. Damn light.
The observation room was still dark because it needed to be. If the light was turned on the reflective properties of the mirror would disappear and the suspect would be able to see the officers in the room. But that fact did not matter to Robert, who was staring at the officer with a malicious grin. His eyes quickly focused on Maddox, like an owl that had just found a juicy mouse.

His yellow teeth clearly visible through his smile, he spoke. “Do you think the others liked your fantasy?”

“What?” Maddox looked round the room at the other officers. They both stared back.

“That’s the first time he spoke in two hours.” John said.

“Look in the drawer Maddox… Find the Magazine…” Robert’s voice crackled in its own-demonic tone.

The room had an old table that had two drawers shoved under it. The old handle waited. Waited to be pulled and Maddox resisted the urge to do so.

He did not want to entertain the man any longer. His constant smile was an indication that he was building up to something drastic and he was the ‘key’ after all. Why was he so special and why did he have the honor of being at this man’s forefront?

“I will not do what you ask.” Maddox snapped.

“Go on, you know you want to. All the answers are in that magazine. The name of that girl. The conclusion of your dreams. The outcome of this story. The outcome of the readers…you know you want to. What does your friend, John want?”

“How did he know my name?” John demanded. He pulled out a pack of Marlboro and attempted to smoke. In his haste, he retracted the packet and remembered that it was also illegal to smoke in a confined room.

That just showed Maddox how spooked the man was. But was there a magazine inside the drawer?

“Is there anything inside the drawer?” Maddox whispered. He knew Robert couldn’t see past the mirror and he was using the faint outline of shadows to follow individuals inside this room. To test his theory he would prove that there was nothing in the drawer.

“No, only some documents and stationary.” John replied.

Feeling confident, he opened the drawer.
“Oh, yeah, now the fun begins…you know what I mean. I am with you every step of the way.”

BANG#! Nothing could have spooked Maddox more than finding something at the bottom of the drawer. Confident that the drawer was empty, this discovery only messed up his emotions even more. It confused the men in the room, it added an extra smile on Robert’s face, but it also added another layer of fear in Maddox’s mind.

“T-That should not be there.” John stuttered.

Maddox placed his hand inside the deep drawer and pulled out a magazine. Its cover was black; its smell was as fresh as the day it came from the printers and the glossy feel made it that much real.

Written on the front, bold words spelled, Black Static, Issue 29.

Maddox dropped the periodical on the table. Both men stepped back, like it was cursed.

“Your answers are in there gentleman.” Robert boomed over the intercom. “The answers you seek. The readers know. Now you will. Today is the day of my…”

Maddox snapped. “Turn that intercom off. I’ve had enough of this shit. Someone’s playing a sick game with us.”

“But who?” John replied, after turning off the chatter through the intercom.

Maddox walked to the window and stared inside. The man inside that room continued to talk, even though his voice was blocked. “Robert mentioned the others. I’m sure he’s got partners. Drag him down to the holding cells and we’ll go over the evidence for any accomplices. I’ve had enough of this prick.”

Both men agreed and the left the room. Maddox looked back towards the table and the magazine laid comfortably on the top. Its cover blended with the background and it looked inviting. Maddox rolled the magazine and tossed it in the bin. He was not going to participate in this sick person’s fantasy anymore. Even Hannibal Lecter was better than this.
Hours passed and the team came up empty handed with suspects. Only one person remained, Robert.

78 cases of murder, 22 cases of rape, 145 cases of abduction and over 4450 cases of petty crime made this case look completely silly. But the files were there. Piled high and for anyone to see. How Robert managed to get away with this was unbelievable. It was like he faded away after a crime and then came back to start another. Horrifying, this man was a monster. Then he thought back to the magazine. How did it happen to be in the same room? How did Robert know it was in the drawer? Then it dawned on him. Perhaps he’s got an accomplice inside the station.

Suddenly, everyone in the room became a suspect. The officer at the coffee maker, pouring himself a cup of coffee, looked suspicious. The woman on the phone beside his desk looked suspicious too. She could have informed Robert about everything. The cleaner, that was balancing himself on the ladder on the other side of the room, might have planted the magazine. He had been in this office for years…fixing things.

Maddox placed his head in his hands. This was just crazy talk. Anyone could be the leak and he was no closer to the answer then he would ever be. He would have to accept the fact that they caught the main man. Perhaps he would boast about something in prison, or they could offer him a deal. He was going down for life anyway.
Later that evening, the lights seemed dimmer and the darkness was slowly slithering through the cracks of the wall. Maddox did not notice this fact and continued to fill out forms and find the culprit. He had his desk lamp on and didn’t notice the fading florescent lights that were lined all along the ceiling. Even the large number of staff had vanished from the floor. But a gentle touch on his shoulder soon aroused him from his paperwork.

Not in a million years did he expect to see her. After being touched, he turned around slowly than jumped off the chair and landed on the floor like a complete idiot. The woman he fantasized about finally talked to him. Her voice was as sweet as honey itself. Her long slender legs snuggled perfectly behind her short black inviting dress and her elegant top hid her firm round breasts he often dreamed about.

“Are you okay?” She asked. Maddox drifted into his own world, her voice was like a hand, guiding him to his feet.

He smiled and finally replied. “Y-Yes… Thank you.”

“I’m off home now.” She paused, desperate to say something, Maddox knew this and could feel the words wanting to burst out, into his ears. But he was bursting to kiss those juicy succulent lips. “I would like to have a drink with you sometime.”

Bingo! Maddox could not believe his luck; it was like someone willed this to happen. God himself recognized his hard work and offered him a small gesture of good will.

Maddox jumped at the chance. “I would love too. I’m still working but how about later?”

She bent down over his desk and wrote her details on his notepad, his eyes transfixed to her slim elegant bottom. She smiled and added one final thing. “Oh, I almost forgot, I found this waiting for you in your in-tray.” She handed him….

Maddox froze on the spot. It was there, the black magazine.

“My name’s Melody. Its nice to finally meet you.” Melody walked towards the open door and gave Maddox one final glance before she disappeared from view.

But Maddox was no longer interested in this blonde beauty. In fact, his eyes were fixed on the Black Static magazine. He needed some answers and Robert better have some.

As Maddox grabbed the magazine and headed towards the holding cells, he felt his anger build.
Like some strange scene from a horror movie, the block of cells was completely empty, only darkness lingered in the corners and Maddox saw a figure in the holding room. He wasn’t sure if that was his man, but he was the only person still left.

With a nervous hand, he attempted to open that same door he first went through at the beginning. But the door did not squeak like before. It was silent. Like all sound had been erased. His heart raced and he felt the looming darkness crawl over the building. It was strange. But the more detail and effort he put into his mind, the more it would slowly manifest itself in reality. It felt like his mind was playing tricks on him. He thought about the lights - they dimmed. He thought about the girl - she came. This was impossible. There must be some logical explanation for this.

"It’s not impossible,” the dark figure said. "You know in your heart what is happening, don’t you?"

Maddox recognized that voice and his worst fears were confirmed when Robert spun on his chair, holding the Black Static magazine that should have been in his hand.

"There’s an interesting story in this issue. You should read it." Robert smiled gamely.

“W-What are you talking about?” Maddox Paused. “What the hell’s going on?”

"Don’t worry. You’ll understand soon." Robert got up and placed the magazine on the table. "I’ve been waiting for this moment. The chance. A chance to talk to the others."

Robert projected his voice to boom around the room, like he was some kind of TV presenter, power hungry and over-the-top. "You should read the magazine."

He slid the glossy issue across the table and its black pages hypnotized Maddox for a moment. He felt someone tugging on his soul and the thought of being controlled was eerie. But that story in the magazine could explain everything.

"The story’s called Black Static. It will explain everything to you. Turn to page 10”

Maddox was skeptical at first, he wasn’t sure of the unknown. He fiddled with the first page and tried to delay the inevitable.

“Go on,” Robert teased. “Your answer is inside!”

With that, he opened the magazine to page 10 and saw the first story. The beginning chilled him to the bone, like a voice from god.

"Th-This, these words were in my dream…" Maddox stuttered as he looked up from the periodical. "Th-This can’t be? The others, this reality."

Robert grinned like a boy, "Yeah. And you know what I’m going to do next.” He pointed to the magazine. “It says so in the story. I’m going to use the readers. I’m going to escape this world."

Maddox closed the magazine. "The readers. You're going to use the readers to free yourself.”

Robert laughed like a mad man, his yellow teeth begging to be plucked. "Finally, you have given me the chance to talk to the readers. You are the gateway, a cop. Do you really think I would blow up a school...."

Robert moved to the center of the room. “The story did that, the readers did that. It’s all part of the plan.”

“I don’t understand, there’re no readers, this is our world, we are following our own paths.” Maddox clamored onto any scrap of rational thought. But each time he came back from this insanity, Robert would knock him back down.

“Did you forget the story? Read on… Our destiny, our path is waiting for us. It’s the readers that will suffer my fate.”

Like a mad man in a loony bin, Robert jumped into the middle of the room, extended his hands and announced to the almighty readers. Maddox wished he had his gun, this individual was more than he could handle. So what if he should face a judge and be sent to prison for life, he should shoot him now while he had the chance. But the silhouette of the story still resided in his mind. He thought it was some kind of prank, and refused to read anymore. But he couldn’t stop Robert.
"Hey…you out there!”

Roberts’ tone changed, it was like a sound in the back of your mind, a voice of warning. “Yeah, I’m talking to you the reader! That voice in your mind. That tingle on the back of your neck... That’s me. Slowly, I’m using you to escape this world. The text you read is my personal gateway. The more you read, the more I escape into your mind."

Maddox looked at this lunatic, who acted more irrationally. But he saw something strange. His physical body was beginning to fade. He thought it was some trick of the light. But when he moved forward to touch him, his hand only touched mist.

“You know you want to stop reading, I know your thoughts. But you can’t resist. I have made a pact with the devil. My sacrifices for my freedom.” Roberts voice crackled like some dying record. He wanted to test his limited abilities. “Do you remember the table in the middle of this room? The one I was handcuffed to? I command you to make it vanish.”

Maddox jumped when the magazine slapped the floor. The table that was in the room, vanished. How was that even possible? The agent stumbled around his space, saw the final glimpses of Robert and legged it through the door, leaving the room empty of mind and thought. Only the sound of Robert could be heard, that ghostly voice that dominated the scene.

"Now that I have finally entered your mind. That voice of yours is no longer yours. That feeling on the back of your neck is now me. I have left a special message for you at the beginning of this story. Go on, go back to the beginning and see my message..."

Last edited by Shane Ward on Tue May 17, 2011 1:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

 Post subject: PDF File
PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2011 12:08 pm 
PDF file is now up, Hopefully it will stay on the site.

Alright, I've done my part completely, Enjoy.


Last edited by Shane Ward on Tue May 17, 2011 1:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2011 2:24 pm 
Umm, Nearly 100 views and no comments. The story is free, I thought someone might have said something by now. Go on, I wont bite.


 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 9:27 am 
User avatar

Joined: Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:15 pm
Posts: 3341
Sorry Shane, I started but couldn't finish. The writing just doesn't work for me.

You're using US spellings ('gray', 'mold'), and you refer to 'agents', when at Scotland Yard they'd surely be officers.

Your use of the possessive apostrophe is inconsistent, and I noticed a couple of occasions when you had 'then' for 'than'.

Some of your phrasing is poorly thought out, and there are plenty of ugly sentences.

I'm not sure about the logic/timescale either. They bring the suspect in while Maddox is sleeping for half an hour, yet when he wakes up he knows the guy is there - this should have been foreshadowed better - and forensics results have come back very quickly.

Of course a lot of this might have been explained if I'd read to the end, but nothing here made me want to.

If you want more detailed feedback, I'd join a critique group, one where they won't spare feelings.


 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2011 12:00 pm 
Thanks Pete for letting me know, I knew nothing about the US spelling thing, its just the way word changes every word or the way I know how to spell, I'll have to keep an eye on that.

For the rest, I'll keep an note on this so it does not pop up in future projects.


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