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PostPosted: Sun Nov 18, 2007 12:20 pm 

Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2007 10:57 pm
Posts: 90
This could be one of the last classics I relay from the hotheads at CAP - they're in financial trouble and can no longer afford the in depth analysis of films we expect. However such is the likely malign effect of Beowulf that it is seen a special case, so here is an abbreviated account of their opinion.

I've read mixed reports on this film elsewehere. Director Zemeckis, who wrote the schmaltzy POLAR EXPRESS and was responsible for FORREST GUMP, BACK TO THE FUTURE etc admittedly would not have been my first choice for such a project, and the CGI snippets look to have that unconvincing, glossy artificiality which has started to creep more and more in to recent Hollywood fantasy (eg: the armada in ELIZABETH THE GOLDEN AGE) - but I haven't seen it yet, so judgement reserved..

In this review the cinema vicar seems unaware of the likely ironies of taking a Christian based view of what is, after all, a pagan epic, but just in case warns all to shut their family out of the room when it is on. He likes the CGI though..

BEOWULF [possible spoilers] CAP REVIEW

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)

animal attack
fantasy/demon gore of varying intensities, repeatedly
vicious cruelty
action violence of varying intensities, repeatedly
dragging bodies like rag dolls
piling bodies
explosive startle, twice
many men hanging dead from rafters
demon eating human head with chewing, crunching and slurping
scene of many skeletons
battle gore
physical brutality

Impudence/Hate (I)

six uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
using a woman as an exchange medium
massive tattoos
promising vengeance
many lies to boast of deeds
child abuse
hatefulness in control of another
self mutilation (cutting off arm)

Sexual Immorality (S)

sexual assault, three times
saturation of large parts of film time with full male and full female nudity, all sides and angles, male-specific anatomy always in the shadows or hidden by convenience objects with only the pubic hair missing in the female nudity, but in all cases all other anatomy and tissues visible
excessive breast exposure, repeatedly
vulgar innuendo re: intercourse
man and woman sleeping together covered
offers and requests for sex, repeatedly, once by a child girl in adultery
talk of sex
young girl knowing of an adult man's sleeping habits
attention to male crotch

Drugs/Alcohol (D)

drunken revelry
drinking, repeatedly
alcohol intoxication

Offense to God (O)

unholy demon, many views
praying to and praising a false god, repeatedly
faith in false gods
evil power to create light, fire and make metal melt
exchanging soul for power and riches
Christian Cross and Christian family targeted by demon, portraying "Christian" as weak
witch, repeatedly

Murder/Suicide (M)

murder by demon crushing man's head
massive murders by slinging bodies, ripping them apart, throwing them onto pointed objects and other ways
suicide by jumping

Tom Carder writes:

"I sorely wish I could have gotten this report to you before the first showing. You'll see why within. Note before you continue that though I have tried to be as polite as possible this report may be somewhat vulgar to some. It speaks to the vulgarity of the film and in some ways cannot avoid the unpleasantness of the subject ...

Nudity is rampant. Full nudity. Male. Female. Frontal. Side. Rear. All angles. Though the male-specific anatomy is always kept in the shadows all other tissues and anatomy associated with it are seen in amazing anatomical detail.

I will not argue the nudity in this film. That the filmmakers used what looked like metallic plating over portions of the nude witch does not excuse the nudity. The viewer can tell only her pubic hair is missing. Does the gold plating on jewelry change its "body?" And that the nudity is in CGI does nothing to lessen its influence because of the graphic attention to detail used.

Beowulf is quite probably the most heinous culprit for stealing childhood from children ever made. I will violate my own policy about making recommendations and recommend you NOT watch this one or let any of your family watch it. [so we have keep the dog out of the room too?]

I am not going to spend any time trying to write a summary of the story or plot of this film. ... To present anything about the story/plot might generate interest in it. And I wish I had not seen this film. In as much as I can control it, as long as I breathe it will not appear on any screen in our home ...

I will, however, offer a little bandage for the scoring wounds delivered by the content of this film. Beowulf presents some of the most dazzling detailed CGI artistry by standard-setting artists I have ever seen (over 1200 films so far). But why must such great talent and genius be wasted on such content as this? Art is not sin and sin is not art. But art becomes sin when art uses sin.

"Intense violence" is an understatement. There is much fantasy and demon gore freckled throughout the entire film. Cruelty and brutality are the norm of one of the "Christian" characters who beats a young boy. Grendel (Crispin Glover), the grotesque demon son of King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) and Grendel's mother the witch (Angelina Jolie), also slings bodies about and slams them against wall as the bodies disintegrate. Some bodies are ripped apart...

Sexual Immorality (S)

Zero out of 100. Sexual Immorality found enough content to earn a score of zero out of 100. ... The film is rampant with nudity. [insert your own pregnant pause] Lots of nudity. Male. Female. Frontal. Side. Rear. There is no doubt this film will incite sexual thoughts and feelings -- lust of the eyes -- in your 13 year old kids... In addition, there are offers of sex, requests for sex, a child girl knowing the sleeping habits of an adult man, admission of adulterous sex with a child, an offer of sex with an adult male by a child girl, more....

Drugs/Alcohol (D)

Drunken revelry and drinking abound nearly as much as the nudity....
The American College of Physicians has found that exposure to booze and drinking in and as entertainment emboldens the viewer, in particular the middle school age stratum, the PG and PG-13 age stratum, to challenge and experiment with alcohol.

Offense to God (O)

An unholy demon, a witch, praising and praying to the false god Odin faith in false gods and evil power saturate the film as well. At one point, the king's advisor, I think it was Unferth (John Malkovich), suggested they seek the assistance of the "Christian God, Jesus Christ" which the king dismissed as tripe. Unferth, the only "Christian", was attacked by a flying demon and his family incinerated as a Cross was destroyed, the optics suggesting that Christians are useless puppet weaklings and God no more than one among many. My how "entertainment" mocks. And these are not to mention Beowulf (Ray Winstone) exchanging his soul for power and riches. [Guess he doesn't rate Macbeth much, either]

Murder/Suicide (M)

In one case Grendel murders one of Beowulf's men by biting off and chewing the man's head. Chewing, crunching and slurping are heard as the demon eats the man's head. Grendel murders another man by crushing the man's head between his hands. All in all, all of Beowulf's men except one, as much as I could tell, are murdered by Grendel.

And there is a suicide. A fine element of content for the middle school age stratum. The king decides to murder himself by jumping off a high wall after passing on the kingdom ... and the curse ... to Beowulf. "


More biblical barminess at

"It's too short!
We need more monkeys! "

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Nov 18, 2007 12:49 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 26, 2007 3:11 pm
Posts: 2122
Location: Cheshire, UK
Zero out of 100. Sexual Immorality found enough content to earn a score of zero out of 100.

Sounds like the ideal phrase to go on posters and ads.

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